


out there they'll revile you as a monster

by becauseimclever



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Study, stiles is hurting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 01:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1963014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseimclever/pseuds/becauseimclever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>The Hunchback of Notre Dame</em> helps Stiles cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	out there they'll revile you as a monster

You can't hug Scott anymore.  
You killed him. Twisted the blade in his body. You killed his first love, his friends, and his pack. You killed him, you killed him. 

You can't look Melissa in the eye.  
You killed her. Your words became your weapon and twisted in her gut. You killed her friends, her coworkers. You killed her, you killed her. 

You can't visit Allison's grave.  
You killed her. She was 18. She was a kid. Like you. You killed her father, Isaac, Scott, Lydia. You killed her, you killed her. 

You can't go to the station.  
You killed your father. Forced him into the hospital, back into the memories. You killed your parents and guardians. You killed him, you killed him.

You can't stand close to Lydia  
You killed her. Her screams still echo in your head as her best friend died. You killed her, you killed her.

You can't laugh at Derek anymore.  
You killed him. You broke him and sent his pack away. You killed him, you killed him.

You can't love Malia.  
You killed her. You kissed her, you took that from her. She put her full trust and loyalty in you but you can't trust yourself. You killed her, you killed her.

You can't put your arm around Kira.  
You killed her. You tore her open and pushed her family into danger, into destroying this town. You killed her, you killed her. 

 

Scott turns to hug you, a grin on his face. He passed his math test.  
His arms are outstretched and open, waiting for you to barrel into them.  
You smile tersely and nod, pat him on the back and walk away. 

You're sitting at the McCall's kitchen counter, stool hard underneath you and your back stiff.  
Why are you here?  
You're not welcome here.  
You destroyed this house.  
Leave.  
A plate of cookies slides toward you. You inhale sharply. Flinch back.  
Melissa's hand reaches out to touch yours.  
You glance up and back down again.  
Her face is soft. Open and vulnerable. Completely trusting.  
You killed her.  
Her eyes search your face.  
You snatch a cookie and head upstairs. 

Scott texts you. They're visiting her grave today.  
It's a warm Friday afternoon. Similar to her funeral.  
You sit in your room and stare at the strings.  
She wouldn't forgive you.  
You killed her.  
Malia climbs in the window and demands you explain the math homework.  
You grab your backpack and pull out the notebook. A torn slip of paper falls out. Malia snatches it, her face scrunching up as she reads it.  
She hands it to you.  
A note from last year. You used to deliver notes from Scott and Allison in class. They thought they were being subtle.  
It's in Allison's loopy handwriting.  
 _i still love you :) <3_  
You throw it away. 

You spot less whiskey in the bottle and another letter from the Eichen house.  
Parrish came over yesterday. Said he had to pick something up for your dad.  
You know your father sent him to check up on you. He blames you. Always will.  
You dad comes home late that night.  
You hear him put the tumbler on the table and open the cabinet.  
He doesn't come upstairs. 

Lydia sits next to you in math. She smiles at Malia and passes her the notes. You stare at the board.  
Can you read the board?  
Count your fingers.  
Lydia's staring.  
She resents you. You killed her best friend.  
You glance at her.  
She's smiling at you. 

You're in the car with Derek. They're tracking something.  
You're both silent.  
He should kill you.  
Like you killed him.  
He should bite, claw, bruise, and tear you apart. He should-  
"You helped me," Derek says. You don't say anything but you shift towards him.  
"I was-When Kate had me. Counting the fingers. It helped. You helped. I never got to thank you."  
You stare straight ahead. Your throat hurts.  
Derek jumps out of the car and runs towards something. 

Malia's in your bed. She's watching one of those cat videos on your laptop and she's laughing.  
You tell her it's late. She frowns.  
"You said you wanted to show me _The Avengers_ ," she says.  
Not tonight. Not when she's trying to hold your hand. Not when she's trying to kiss you.  
She pulls back to look at you. She smiles.  
"We could just lie here?"  
She leaves eventually and you watch the movie.  
You can't help but empathize with a certain green monster. 

You grab a book from your locker and turn to find Kira. She's smiling.  
You frown.  
You killed her.  
"Scott's talking to Coach," she says. You nod. She bites her lip and blurts,  
"You wanna walk to lunch together?"  
You draw your eyebrows together and scan the hallway.  
"I have Fruit by the Foot?"  
You exhale and walk with her to lunch; you split the snack and she makes you laugh.

 

The pack is gathered in Derek's new apartment. It's warm and cozy. The weather's getting colder, jackets are on backs of chairs (much to the dismay of Lydia "ever heard of a coat rack?" Martin) and blankets are strewn across laps.  
You're sandwiched between Scott and Lydia. Malia's sitting at your feet and Derek's on Scott's right, his hand resting on the back of your neck. Kira's on Lydia's left with her legs stretched to rest her feet in your lap.  
Malia insisted on watching _Hunchback of Notre Dame._

Melissa had sent sugar cookies with Scott and a special request to give you the most.  
Your dad gave you a hug when you told him you were going to Derek's, told you to be safe and that he loved you.  
You hugged him tighter. 

"Isaac's coming back for a few days. He said it was time he went to see her," Scott says when the movie's over.  
You feel everyone pause.  
"Maybe it's time for me too," you say quietly. Kira digs her feet into your thighs, Derek squeezes your neck, Malia nips at your kneecap and Scott and Lydia take your hands. 

You repeat Quasimodo's words in your mind. Today is a good day to try.

**Author's Note:**

> "control is overrated"  
> o k a y  
> visit me on [tumblr](http://becauseimclever-.tumblr.com)


End file.
